Ouija **Dir: Stiles White. With: Olivia Cooke, Ana Coto, Daren Kagasoff. 89 mins. Cert: 15
Because nothing says Halloween more than gathering in the dark to experience a carefully strategised branding opportunity. The latest product of the unholy synergy between Michael Bay’s Platinum Dunes and toymakers Hasbro is a rudimentary horror in which bland Everyteens are slain while communing with their late friend via the sinister Ouija – an item currently mass-produced by Hasbro Inc. While increasingly tired thousand-decibel prods counteract the absence of dynamism in watching kids spelling with a polyurethane planchette, matters become comically venal. “I don’t want to touch it,” shirks one player. “C’mon – they’re sold in toy stores,” is the response. Everybody’s pocket money deserves better.
Ouija is available on DVD through Universal Pictures. A sequel, Ouija: Origin of Evil, opens in cinemas nationwide from Friday.