Dir: Steve Nesbit. With:
Steven Berkoff, Bernard Hill, Keith Allen, Freema Agyeman. 96 mins. Cert: 18
geezerfest has a semi-interesting premise – dividing up a bizarro Britain along
Romeo and Juliet lines, as blossoming
young love threatens the tenuous truce between regional heavies – but no sense
of how to develop it. Instead, variably grizzled types (Bernard Hill and Freema
Agyeman repping the North; Steven Berkoff and Keith Allen the South) sit around
picking their teeth and casually lobbing C-bombs at one another, while a florid
Elliot Tittensor voiceover strives to assure us the stakes are being raised.
With writer-director Steve Nesbit preoccupied with delaying his under-budgeted
action, an odd listlessness takes over: you just want Danny Dyer to stroll on and
tell everyone to stop poncing about. North v South is now showing in selected cinemas.