Love, Rosie *Dir: Christian Ditter. With: Lily Collins, Sam Claflin, Art Parkinson. 102 mins. Cert: 15
An excruciatingly soft-focus, retrograde romcom, insistently Instagramming all reality out of the frame, and generally carrying on as though possessed of nothing more than frozen yoghurt between its ears. It’s basically One Day for dummies: Bridget-ish Lily Collins and nice-but-dull Sam Claflin are the childhood besties navigating their twenties – he carefree, she left with child after “comedy” condom mishap. Relentless montaging ushers everyone past the abortion option, and onto a less-than-convincing attempt to pass off our ever-dewy lead as a life-hardened single mum. It’s one of those puppy-movies, so wet-nosed and keen to please one takes scant joy in kicking it. But the damn thing keeps crapping everywhere.
Love, Rosie opens in cinemas nationwide today.