Parental Guidance (U) 104 mins **
This
notably unseasonal offering – not a single snowflake, but plenty of schmaltz –
is at least partly intended as a comeback vehicle for Billy Crystal and Bette
Midler. They’re playing Artie and Diane, old-school technophobes obliged to
inhabit daughter Marisa Tomei’s computer-operated eco-house and look after
their three grandchildren. One of the kids is heavily constipated; this, you
feel, will be coming up again later.
It’s
almost endearingly formulaic: ninety minutes in which the adults take repeated
blows to the groin, followed by the ritual passing out of hugs and life lessons
to a treacly piano score. Endless baseball references won’t help its cause over
here, while its touchscreen technology can’t disguise a script apparently
rescued from the same Hollywood mothballs the stars have been stored in. Hey,
Billy and Bette: 1992 just called, and it wants its third lamest family comedy
back.
Parental Guidance opens nationwide from Boxing Day.
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