Hammer of the Gods (18) **
Nowt to do with Led Zep, but a very silly attempt to recreate the Viking invasion on a stretched budget around Tenby. Director Farren Blackburn (who did 2011’s festive Doctor Who) aims low and lairy, introducing his warriors in Lock, Stock-like freeze-frames, then establishing their conquest as an early stag weekend: there’s ample drinking, chauvinism and homophobia, and more swearing than you’d hear from a hungover Frank Harper. Cinematographer Stephan Pehrsson has Snowdonia on his side, at least, but the battles are sub-Sealed Knot, and with the exception of ailing King James Cosmo, everybody on screen looks less like actual Vikings than they do recent RADA grads, growing out their stubble and keeping fingers crossed for that elusive Game of Thrones callback.
Hammer of the Gods opens in selected cinemas from today.